Expressing... Letting it out!!!

1st Oct... Children's Day.

To me... Just for today, i wanna express myself.

Today, is the first day of my month and I'm in a lost.
I really hope i can move on soon. I have to let go.

I admit that i've not been very truthful to myself.

Everytime when friends approached me, asked me, "how are you? or better now?"
I'd say i'm fine or even ok.

But the fact was... Most of the time. "NO". Its because, at times, I'm still wandering in my past, dreaming of all those moments and how i wish that day didn't happen.

This explains why i'm always doing so much OTs.
Not because i really wanted it nor desprate for money...
But because i wish to occupy all my time, so that i won't have any spare time or strength to think about the past.
And so, i could just get back home very tired, bath and sleep to rest myself for the next day.

Tears filled my eyes, but i have to hold on and be strong.

I told myself, i wish to have friends around me on my bday, but i've also been telling myself, i wanna be alone.
Not because i wanted it. But because my heart is empty.
No matter how much friends i had, how fun they are, or came into my life. The pain will still lingers around.

Letting go of the past is not easy. It really needs alot of courage to let it go,
and I thought, i've already let go. But why does my tears kept pushing me?

I got only just 1 wish, 1 truthful wish from the very bottom of my heart.

I wish that she'll be there for me. Just be there with me to celebrate my birthday one last time. Before i could really move on.
I want to hear from her and to understand what really goes wrong and what happened so wrong?
I thought it'll be the best present i'll ever recieve. But i thought so again that, that day will never come.

I used to think alot... and its just a process of the mind.
I loved with all my heart, because i have one.
But, to be loved is a process from the soul.

And i wonder, how can a broken soul move on when it's not even healing? or Perhaps it heals way too slowly...

Does anyone truely loved a person that you'd sacrifice everything or anything?

I just don't know how long it will take for a broken soul to recover or to move on. and now, i don't wish to think about it anymore.

All i know was, i'm a changed person now. No longer the past childish me.
I'm very grateful and thankful knowing her.
I've learn alot from her too.

Most precious lesson ever learnt was "how to love and be loved."

Knowing that fate had brought us together and do us apart.

For this, i could only wish her...

All the best, take care and thank you.